Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize