highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
