This is not my ceiling
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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