the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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