she woke up with a sticky ear
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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