Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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