that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
