Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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