I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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