I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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