I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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