I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
