just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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