we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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