Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
