I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize