why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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