i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
