maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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