it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
