I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
