Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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