dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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