i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
