And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
