so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
NoShamevember. You game?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
