How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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