Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
