He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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