if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
