i love accidental penises.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
