there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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