well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
