what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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