K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
time to smoke my breakfast
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
