My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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