so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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