you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
