it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
