I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
