apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
