It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
