theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
