The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
