Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
