so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
