I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
