proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
