I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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