didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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