I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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