So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
