you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
