i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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