I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
