i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
