slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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