are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
