Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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