Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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