I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
