she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
