I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
