I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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