I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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