All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
