I bet he comes in French.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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