cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
