last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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