haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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