And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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