Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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